What I
Left Behind
By Hecate
Well I
know what I know
My life goes by and I
learn as I go
I know what I've seen
What I've left
That's where I've been
"What you want me to forget" Gruntland
I
wonder how they would react if they found out the truth. The reason why Angel
finally snapped. I know they think it's about Buffy. For them everything is
always about Buffy. Willow couldn't get Xander because Xander loved Buffy. Angel
lost his soul because of Buffy. Faith went all manic killer-like because of
Buffy. Xander and me didn't get back together because Xander cared to much
about Buffy. The world was saved by Buffy. And, finally, Angel snapped because
of Buffy. Because she started to lead a nearly normal life. Although I think
marrying with 20 isn't quite normal. But it isn't true. Well, partly it is. But
there are more reasons for it. Reasons the broken remains of the Scoopy gang
has no idea about. But the most important reasons for Angel to go crazy was
Faith. When she came back from prison she had changed. The last part of her
that had been alive and good had been broken between the dark walls of the
prison. We should have known that this would happen. That prison wouldn't help
her. She needed to be outside. She needed to be among normal people. But we got
her back. Angel,Wesley and me. It was hard work but we did it. And on this way
Angel and her did fall in love with each other. It was great for us all but it
couldn't stay that way.
There
came an emergency call from Sunnydale and we rushed in there to help the people
we considered as friends. There was a new monster of the week but this time it
threatened to be successful over the slayer. It was a fault to go over there. Faith
was met with pure hatred by Buffy. But she stood tall and tried to make amends.
Buffy and Xander didn't even give her a try and Giles followed his slayer's
lead. But Willow, shy little Willow, she listened.
She was
the only one who was strong enough to face the ghost of the past. I guess her
strength came from her friendship with Spike and her relationship with Tara. For
the first time in her life she had other friends than Xander and Buffy. Friends
that supported her in everything, even in her magic and showed her that bad
isn't always really evil. She started to understand Faith. Willow had some big
fights with the others about Faith but she didn't change her opinion. She even
decided that she would leave for LA with us after we would have destroyed the
monster and study there. She felt better being with us. Angel treated her as a
little sister and Wesley wouldn't stop thanking her for her researching help
and openly admired her magic skills. She again became my friend and she and
Faith started to be really close.
But
than came the battle. Angel,Spike, and Faith fought in one line but Buffy went
all hero and fought alone. She threw a knife at the monster's heart. But the
knife didn't hit the monster. It hit Willow. And that was when the real
nightmare started.
After
the monster was destroyed Faith found Willow lying on the ground. She took her
in her arms and screamed for us to help. But there was no way to save Willow. She
died in Faith arms. And then Faith saw the knife that was still plunged into
Willow's throat. It was her knife. The knife the mayor had given to her. The
knife Buffy had used to sent her into a coma. And she knew who had threw it. She
looked up at us with tearstained eyes and searched for Buffy. When their eyes
met she said just three words. "You killed her." But Buffy denied
that. She accused Faith to have done that. Faith nearly attacked her for that
but Spike and Angel could drag her away. We left Sunnydale in a hurry. Spike
and Tara came with us. Spike said that he hated the slayer even more now after
she had killed the only human being he ever cared for. And Tara had nothing in
Sunnydale that would keep her there.
We
tried to go back to our normal life but it was in vain. The shadow of Willow's
death hang over us and Faith became more and more silent. I guess she knew what
would happen. That something inside her warned her about it. She started to
avoid Angel. Maybe to make it easier for him. But that didn't work out. It made
it harder. It made it harder for all of us. I still wished I would have talked
with her about her strange behaviour. That I would have been a better friend. And
that I had spent more time with her. I miss her like crazy. I miss her jokes
and the direct way she said everything. The way she could let the things seem
to be easier as they were. I miss to be persuaded to do things I wouldn't do
normally. I miss the long talks we had over destiny, the world's end, her
duties, her past and the times we just gossiped about stuff like men and sex. I
even miss her temporary insanity. Her death nearly sent me over the edge. And
it did that for Angel.
Buffy
killed her. She came by two month after Willow died by her hands. She said she
wanted to talk to Faith about what had happened. Angel warned Faith not to go
alone but Faith did. She really knew what would happen. This time Buffy didn't
stabbed her in the stomach. She stabbed her into the heart. The hospital called
at 3am and we all came to the hospital. Angel, Spike, Wesley, Tara and me were
with her when she died. Angel hold her had until the end. I will never forget
her last words. She told Angel she loved him. I know she never told him before
and in that moment it sounded like it was the only true thing she had ever said
in her whole life. I remember Angel storming out of the hospital on the search
of Buffy and I remember seeing him from Faith's window. He suddenly stopped
dead on the track. Than he slowly turned around and looked up to me. He didn't
really look up to me but to the room where his true love died. That was the moment
he started to really understand what had happened. That Faith was dead. That
she would come back. She was gone. He had lost her. I knew the instant moment
he lost his soul. I knew that I was looking in Angelus' eyes. I knew that he
would hunt for Buffy. And I knew what I had to do.
I burnt
the stake I drove into his heart. I hated myself for killing him. But I had to.
I wanted Buffy dead as much as he did. But I felt that Faith wouldn't want
that. She loved him for the kind person he was and she wouldn't want him to
kill. She wouldn't want anybody to kill Buffy. Her death through Buffy was her
salvation. Buffy never forgave her but that was something she yearned for. But
if Buffy became like she had been before she wouldn't need her forgiveness
anymore. And Buffy became even worse. Buffy is...insane. She's somewhere out
there and I know she wants to kill me because of Angel. She doesn't believe he
wanted to kill her. She doesn't believe he loved Faith. That he loved Faith
even more that he had loved her. She destroyed the inscription on Faith grave. It
took Spike,Wesley, and Angel not long to find one, and it did fit. I guess
Buffy can't live with the truth.
Faith Wilkins
Faith can heal a broken angel's wings
So
Buffy is out there searching for me. Hunting me. And I'm still hunting the
evil. I'm hunting it with an ex-watcher, who thrusts vampires more than most of
the humans; a witch, who cries at night for her lost love and a vampire who
can't bite humans anymore. I'm wearing the dust of my best friend around my
neck, and I have a stake of another dead friend in my sleeve. I'm hunted by an
insane human with supernatural power who should kill vampires and kills humans
instead. My name Cordelia Chase. I'm still alive.
The End
Disclaimer:Charracters and lyrics
aren’t mine