The moonlight draws a strange pattern on the bed sheets, stroking his face and he closes his eyes for a moment, trying to shut the white light out. Trying to shut everything out. Especially the other man beside him. He tries not to listen to the gentle breath, tries to ignore how it moves over his neck. How it makes him shiver and how much he wants to turn around to snuggle up against the warm presence of the younger man. He doesn't want to think about how much he wants to wake the man up, to kiss the soft lips opening under his. He tries to deny the longing these thoughts awake in him. He wants the other man inside him, wants to belong to him. And he wants to own him, claim him, mark him. But that's wrong. All this is wrong.
 
 

He stands up and moves to the window, trying to avoid any noise. He doesn't want to wake the other one. It would arise questions he isn't ready to answer yet. He will never be ready, he knows that deep inside. He looks over to the sleeping form and wonders if the man ever thinks about what they were doing. If he knows how wrong it is. He doesn't think so. God, the other one never ever read the Bible, how could he know?
 
 

But he knew. It was wrong. It was a sin. He should stop it. He would burn in hell for it. He had tried to stop it. Tried to talk to the other man, tried to explain. But he couldn't do it in the end. The eyes of his lover had caught him and he was lost.
 
 

There were times when he broke in, when he trashed around in their bed, fighting against the other man, against the gentle touches. But the other one always calmed him, soft caresses on his heated skin, whispered words in his ear and he had to stop, because he needed this, needed this man and he was so scared.
 
 

He doesn't know what to do anymore. What to say when his mother looks at him with suspicious eyes. How to hide the marks their love making leaves on his body. How to explain the nights he spents away, the times he comes late, tired, with swollen lips and a strange glint in his eyes. He can feel the pressure rising, feel their looks all the time, hear the questions among his friends. His friends who don't dare to ask what is happening. What is happening to him , why he changes so much.
 
 

He stands there, turning around to face the window, leaning against the cold surface, shivering a bit. He's still young, but he already knows what all sins look like. He knows how they feel like. Because they make him smile and laugh, they make him cry, scream and begging on his knees. They make him come. They make him love. For him all sins combined are deep blue eyes locking with his own, soft brown hair yielding under his palm, a strong body moving with his, a voice that makes him shiver and reach out for this man and a persona that he has to love with all his heart.
 
 

He knows when the other man awakes, when he moves. He knows how sweet his touch will be like before the man reaches out for him. "Thinking again ?" The questions is muffled by his back, he can feel the man's lips move against his skin as he speaks. He nods against the window and leans into the embrace the man is offering him. Strong arms around him, hands softly stroking over his chest, moving down to lay on his belly. "You think way too much." Again he nods, no reason to argue about this with the other one.
 
 

The man trails butterfly kisses all over his neck and he has to smile about this, his dark thoughts ebbing away. He can feel a soft pull on his hand, he knows where this will lead. And he can't fight it, not anymore. He knows he will regret it in the morning but the other man will be there then and will make his thoughts disappear.
 
 

"I love you." He knows that the man means these words, he knows they are true when he whispers them back. He can't understand how this can be a sin, how their love can be wrong but still he has to believe it. It's what everybody says.
 
 

But now, in their room, in their world, it doesn't matter. And the man's name falls like rain from his lips as he follows him to their bed and lays down beside him to forget all he was told. Until tomorrow.
 
 

End
 
 

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